I Feel Like a Hatchling Sea Turtle Gunning for the Ocean
To Robert Waldun.
To
, who not only introduced me to the idea of keeping a commonplace book but has also become a primary mainstay in my YouTube watch history.Without me starting to keep a commonplace book myself, I might’ve never gotten around to writing this despite all the ideas piled up in my brain regarding this prospect.
As excited as I was about the idea of exchanging these letters, I found myself putting it off for “later”. I caught myself dealing with resistance, feeling as though there isn’t really anything I could possibly offer.
Then I happened to read
‘s wonderful open letter to you. I just knew I had to be a part of this whole voyage because I love the idea of it. While I may be a mere hatchling here- I will absolutely play the role of the sea turtle who was just put here on this island and is looking up at some of you and thinking to myself, “WHAT ARE THESE DATES AND NAMES BEING THROWN AROUND? WHERE DO I START? WHY ARE THERE ALREADY CREATURES TRYING TO HUNT ME????”Perhaps my status as one of the students will help me provide valuable insights to those who are just starting out somewhere down the line.
I do not have too much experience with letters. The only recollection I can make is some “future letters” I have exchanged with my friends.
I pondered upon these letters as I thought about just what I could possibly write and as it turns out, I had forgotten just how nice these letters really are. I keep them around and well- cherish them (the keeping these letters around part may or may not come at the dismay of the ones who wrote these letters and have since then, grown-up CONSIDERABLY)
These messages could’ve been easily sent through some text-based service but are now in my possession, on paper. There really is something special about the physical and tangible.
Perhaps the reason, physical music players and polaroids are starting to be sought after again is because it is in our nature to adore pieces of memories that happen to be tangible and not just stored- digitally. Not immediately available the moment you reach for it, something you have to maintain.
I find myself thinking often about whether being bored is a bad thing at all. With all the stimulation going around I’m beginning to notice displays such as people being on their phones during conversations and even creativity and sparks getting dim more and more.
Even myself, I forced myself into a detox because I could not process my own thoughts and emotions. I’d catch myself scrolling through posts before my brain would even comprehend what I was doing.
It almost felt like it had gotten to a point where I didn’t even have a say in it anymore. I was concerned, to say the least, because I could feel my imagination starting to dwindle, my ability to visualize wither, and for whatever reason, those conversations where one would lose track of time and feel an overwhelming sensation of serendipity got rarer and rarer.
I happen to find myself at my best under the stars on a cold night, while just walking through the many little alleys of my town, as I just sit on my roof and observe the life around me. Perhaps I just happen to think I would like for a power outage to occur for an entire day or two.
Simply for the purpose of people seeking out each other to engage in conversations, even mindless ones. I want my curious nature to flourish, I want to stay a forever student. I adore the unknown and unexplainable, I just do not want this part of me to cease to exist.
It is why I will always vouch for meditation. It is practically my crutch.
Procrastination. Anxiety. It has helped with it all. It is still difficult on certain days but sticking with it has helped me understand that certain things, we must endure and tame.
My attention is my most valuable resource along with my time. I just wish to use it on my curiosity, to learn rather than having hours pass me by with no recollection of what I even consumed.
I contemplate modern technologies (mostly algorithms that feed us exactly what we seem to crave and the efficiency they provide) sometimes. I’d love to hear someone’s take on the whole matter.
I do not believe I really understand philosophy, I have practiced and looked into concepts I have come across such as stoicism but I’m aware that I do not actually understand philosophy.
I loved geeking out and looking up everything you and Helen mentioned in your respective letters. I have been overwhelmed, I love finding my own paths to learning anything but when it comes to this, I’m afraid I may be in need of some markers.
I recently read No Longer Human and am considering looking into Doestoevsky first. This will probably serve as such an oddball but a piece of media that absolutely gutted me and shook everything I thought I knew was the manga Chainsaw Man (Look, I CAN EXPLAIN BUT IT WOULD PRACTICALLY BE A 40 PAGE OR SO ESSAY, AND DO NOT JUDGE IT before you read the entire thing yourself).
Info dumping really might just become a recurring theme for these letters huh? And yes, I probably do need to not ponder as much as I do. I wonder what you think of this whole ordeal, perhaps these are just rambles, who really knows?
The Hatchling Himself,
Kazuyuki Mathers
Nepal.
further pondering sessions below.
Memoirs from Forgotten Notebooks:
Chamber of Reflection:
